What Not To Wear To 2010 World Cup Matches
Danny Jay©, head honcho of the 2010™ FIFA™ World Cup™ LOC™, made the following profound set of statements yesterday:
People planning to buy tickets – a “massive” 300 000 on-line applications alone were received in the first 48 hours of the launch – are being asked to supply personal details, he said. Then, if someone else turns up, “we will ask him when he changed his surname”.
Category four tickets were exclusively for South Africans and if someone is sitting in one of these seats with an England, German or Brazilian jersey on, questions will be asked.
If someone sitting in a seat is different to the person who bought the original ticket and “something happens”, the organisers would be looking for the wrong person, he said.
Say what?! I’m a South African. I bought my ticket legitimately. I’m sitting in the SAfricans-only seats wearing my Brazilian supporters jersey because it’s the Final of the 2010™ FIFA™ World Cup™ in South Africa™ and Brazil are playing against England (right! like that’s going to happen! – bla) and I’d rather trim my ingrown toe-nail with a pair of rusty garden shears than support the Poms.
All of a sudden, I am surrounded by a bunch of burly curly-wire-from-the-ear pseudo-wrestlers in black suits. They slap a black hood over my head, cable-tie my wrists behind my back, and frog-march me off to a windowless room somewhere deep in the lower bowels of Guantanamo Soccer City. The cold concrete of Gulag Interrogation Room #2 the small but comfortable Interview Room sends a shiver up my spine as they push me roughly to my knees.
“Okay, you stupid criminal scum pig hooligan bastard,” they begin lightly, “Danny said we must ask you some questions cos you is wearing a shirt of the Brazilians, and that like must be meaning you are/is/was/is going to be a subversive swine! First question filth: when did you change your surname?!? And who the hell dressed you?!”
Okay, so I may be being just a touch sarcastic here. But seriously. How in the world are they going to make this bollocks happen? Those who know me know that I have been an unflinching supporter and defender of the World Cup and our ability to handle it brilliantly since that memorable day that South Africa was announced as the 2010 hosts. But in all honesty, some of the things that get said make defending the LOC so damn hard.
Besides not being able to wear what I want, the other thing that I can’t really get my head around is how I go about supplying the “personal details” of people I intend giving my extra tickets to, when I don’t know who they are yet. I understand the issues with selling tickets at hugely inflated prices on the black market. But surely I can give away tickets (about as likely as England in the Final! – bla) that I have purchased legitimately and paid for myself?
What would happen if I decided to donate my tickets to the local school so that they can give them to some of their promising footballers? Are we going to harangue 12 year old Sipho because the name on his ticket doesn’t match the name on his Public Library card?