Dr. Ndos Or Prof. Numba – Could Either Cure H1N1 For Us?
At least that’s what the good doctors’ marketing campaign would have us believe. But, we’re not that easily swayed. We know that those Nandos folk are up to their clever old advertising tricks again. We’re media savvy you see!
Now, on the other hand Prof. M.K. Numba has nowhere near the marketing budget nor media access that the pseudo doctor poser Ndos has. Yet, he is able to provide a significantly wider range of services and solutions. At least if his simple two-sided leaflet that was recently accepted at a traffic light, through a small gap in the window, by the Mrs. is to be believed.
For the unenlightened, (myself included, until I read his high quality marketing materials) Prof. Numba is “the current leader of the grand ancestral shrine” and “has solved many mysterious issues by using the invisible powers”.
Practising from the presumably tranquil garden surroundings of a suburban residential address – suitably rezoned for commercial purposes I’m sure – you are able to find Prof. M.K. Numba at his shrine strategically located just off Sandton Drive, behind the Total Garage. But, don’t just arrive unannounced. Whilst your “confidentiality is guarantee”, the good Professor works on a strictly by appointment basis only.
At a mere R200 for a consultation he offers good value in these difficult economic times. I challenge anyone to find a more cost-effective specialist in the area. R200 for a consultation? In Sandton? I sincerely doubt it.
Also, whilst the material doesn’t indicate this, I am sure that there will be no problem claiming the fee from your high priced medical aid or insurance fund. Or that he’ll accept payment in plastic form as I’m sure he knows that no right-minded Sandtonian would risk sullying their hands on dirty cash – you never know where it’s been these days.
Specialities. Of these, he has a few:
- REMOVE THE BAD SPELL FROM YOUR LIFE WHICH KEEPS TAKING AWAY.
- ENSURE SUCCESS AS YOU GET RICH QUICKLY.
- STOP YOUR MARRIAGE OR AFFAIR FROM BREAKING APART. (or affair?! – Ed)
- MASAI REMEDY XTRA FOR ENLARGING THE BREASTS TO SIZE ”D” NATURALLY. (If we take the Remedy XXXtra, could we get her up to a Double D maybe? – Ed)
- REMOVE WITCHCRAFT, CURSE OR HAUNTINGS.
- BRING SUPER NATURAL LUCK INTO YOUR LIFE TO WIN CHANCE GAMES LIKE LOTTO, CASINO, DICE, etc. (Is super natural luck better than supernatural luck I wonder. – Ed.)
- AND MANY MORE.
Prof. Numba also used the opportunity to announce his newest remedy in the section of his brochure headed “INTRODUCTORY TO MASAI GEL FOR MEN”. Being a man, I was quickly drawn into this information due to the effective use of the bold capital letters.
Accordingly, I am pleased to report that “after thirteen years of research, Prof. M.K. Numba finally came to a breakthrough, now introducing [MASAI GEL] for the first time in South Africa, especially for men. It’s a herbal GEL from the MASAI land mainly intended to enlarge the penis both in girth and length naturally making it big to the size of your choice and strong hence controlling and delaying early ejaculation.” (Gee that is one hellish long sentence. Maybe the Prof should spend the next 13 years researching the use of punctuation. – Ed.)
You’ll also be pleased to know that “he has gone to amazing lengths to find the very best naturally derived ingredients that work.” (He’s gone to “amazing lengths” has he? Subtle use of subliminal advertising right there – Ed.)
All of this leads me to believe that it would Prof. Numba I would see, before that made-for-television charlatan Dr. Ndos. I need to enquire if he would be able to help my sweet, ailing daughter overcome the bout of crippling H1N1 piggy-flu that she’s been struggling with for the past week. I’m sure he would.
Get better soon Mouse!