Pages Menu
TwitterRssFacebook
Categories Menu

Posted by on Jan 10, 2011 in Computing, Featured, Humour | 12 comments

Facebook Will End on 15 March – Why This is a Good Idea

Many internet users and, in this case, Facebook users specifically, are a bunch of complete idiotic morons. There, I said it. Closing Facebook might well be one of the easiest and quickest ways to improve the education standards in South Africa (and in many other countries too.)

Faceboo to CloseIn this fast paced world it seems as if the act of conscious thought often evades people. Add to that the complete absence of common sense and rationality, and an inability to type a sentence with words comprising more than two syllables that many Facebook users display and we have a strong case for the closure of the site that some go so far as to describe as “My hole life!!” (sic).

Satirical news site World Wide Weekly published a faux* news story over the weekend (FACEBOOK WILL END ON MARCH 15th!) in which they quote Mark Zuckerberg and suggest that the Facebook founder (or should that be ‘co-founder’?) has decided to close the site as it has become too difficult and stressful to manage:

Mark Zuckerberg announced that Facebook will be shut down in March. Managing the site has become too stressful.

“Facebook has gotten out of control,” said Zuckerberg in a press conference outside his Palo Alto office, “and the stress of managing this company has ruined my life. I need to put an end to all the madness.”

Zuckerberg went on to explain that starting March 15th, users will no longer be able to access their Facebook accounts.

“After March 15th the whole website shuts down,” said Avrat Humarthi, Vice President of Technical Affairs at Facebook. “So if you ever want to see your pictures again, I recommend you take them off the internet. You won’t be able to get them back once Facebook goes out of business.”

Zuckerberg said that the decision to shut down Facebook was difficult, but that he does not think people will be upset.

The reaction by a section of the Facebook faithful to the article has been phenomenal in its sweeping stupidity. The site is a notorious fake news and satire site. It runs stories alongside the ‘Facebook is closing on 15 March’ story with titles such as ‘Alien Spaceships to Attack Earth in 2011’, ‘Megan Fox is a Man!’, ‘Mike Tysons’ Pigeon Fetish’ and ‘Michelle Obama is Pregnant!’. It is so obviously a scam news story site as to be, well, so obvious.

And yet the story has attracted global attention from disgruntled Facebookers and even some supposedly credible news organisations, most of whom seem to think the story is real. This despite numerous efforts by bloggers and other news and tech sites to clarify the situation. I checked the article this morning when it had amassed over 6,200 comments already. As I type this now a few hours later, the comment count sits at over 8,700. And that’s just on the original site page. There are literally thousands of other comments and posts spreading all over the internet.

Here’s one of the more heartfelt pleas from a Facebook user left as a comment on the site:

skatback63:
hey because i don’t know how to put my oinion on here could you please explain to whoever it is closing facebook that teens literally need facebook. it’s not because it’s cool or anything but facebook has helped save lives. my friends and some of their friends s i’m sure have announced that they were going to kill themselves and when facebook is the only thing left to turn to friends all help to make them understand why they’re so much better than they think they are. i’m not a sensitive person but earlier when i heard that facebook was being cancled i cried and i’m sure my friends did too and i need my friends as they need me. please i’m not saying this because i love facebook. and all 346 of my friendds ageee with thes. :'( nobody wants to lose their friends. it’s the only thing we have left to talk to anyne. and it’s not that we can get new friends because we don’t trust anyone but our friends.

That’s verbatim. No edits, no changes, nothing. Here’s a couple more. Less eloquent perhaps but no less heartfelt I’m sure:

mykel:
pls 4 god sake u people will make us lose our long tym friends. pls 4 god sake…..

NETO:
HOWWWWWW BRO? FB is AWSOME MAN ATLEASTGIVE OR SELL THE COMPANY TO SUMONE ELSE, NO NEDD TO COMPLETELY RID THE INTERNET OF IT

mike popp:
WHY R U DOING THIS. FACEBOOK IS TO TALK YO FRIENDS AND PLAY GAMES. I CANT SEE MY AUNT AND FAMILY BECAUSE THERE IN VEGAS! PLEASE DONT CANCLE FACEBOOK IT WOULD RUIN PEOPLES LIVES. CAN U PLEASE THINK ABOUT IT.

And so to my suggestion that closing Facebook down may actually be a positive thing.

With the aforementioned lack of intelligence shown by these people, the clear lack of logical they display, and the shocking abuses of the English language the perpetrate, taking them off Facebook can only be a good thing.

Also, because it seems as if the majority of them can’t be bothered with reading anything more than a headline at a time, so maybe Twitter would be a better outlet for them? Just saying…

I noticed this habit recently when we started getting 8.ta related requests after our simple information post on the launch of their services. (8ta from Telkom is South Africa’s 4th Mobile Operator. Heita!) Users asking us about deals, specials, connectivity information. And often after we explicitly mentioned the fact that The BlaBla Blog has no affiliation to 8.ta whatsoever.

We saw it with the publishing of the Proof That (Some) Facebook Users- Are Dumber Than Bricks article, when users were convinced that Facebook had changed the login screen and never realised that they were on a completely unrelated site.

And now this laughable situation.

So, to skatback63, mykel, NETo, mike popp and all the rest of the 1,000s of Facebook users who continue to spread this story as if it were the gospel truth, you are all bona fide fools and idiots. Delete your Facebook account immediately, get off the internet and go back to school. This is not a suggestion, it is a demand. The planet will stop rotating if you don’t. Mankinds’ very existence depends on you doing as I suggest right away. Please. For all our sakes.

* Oh, and “faux” means “FAKE!! LOL! DBAG!! SCAM! NOT REAL!! LOL!” for all you Facebookers who still convinced that it’s a real story.

12 Comments

  1. You are so right. These facbook addicts are a bunch of freakin idiots for believing this hoax.

    I so wish it were true though.

    FB sux!! (I wrote it like that so that the Facebook Fan Club members would understand.)

  2. Beware the Ides of March silly little people.

  3. how can you say dis wud be good idea?? u must be mad and crazy guy. Facbook is the best ever for young ppl to use to find friend and for sociallise. Plse dont close it!!

  4. I think FB (and other sites) should create some sort of intelligence means test as part of their registration process. If you fail it instead of going to your account you get redirected to the Open University or Wikipedia when you click ‘Log On’.

  5. Maybe closing down facebook wouldn’t be such a bad thing, if people are basing their lives on it and their friends lives on it, then you are a failure at life. To be honest facebook should there for finding old friends, sharing photos with friends and family.

    For all these people who update their status every 2minutes, surely typing a full word isn’t that hard and I can promise you it won’t take you an extra minute to write with complete words.

    Another thing that has been bugging me about facebook is all the games on it, why do people play such mindless junk? Honestly, farmville, vampire games, mafia wars… How boring are your lives that you use this as entertainment!
    Get a life, join the real world and get out there and make good friends, live life.

  6. For many people they think FB is the INTERNET and closing FB means no more internet.

  7. If you think closing Facebook is a good idea you must be as stupid as the people who believed this sick hoax in the first place. Regardless, you are entitled to your opinion I guess. But who gives you the right to post it here when all you are doing is spreading the rumour futher. Shame on you.

    • Yes, shame on you!

    • Yeah, shame on me. Lalala.

      You sound like an intelligent person totallyaddicted. Yet it seems as if you never actually read my entire article. I suggested closing it down for some, not all. Those that need to spend more time living their lives in the real world.

      As for “who gives me the right….” Well, technically I do. The BlaBla Blog is my site. I give YOU the right to express your opinion here.

      And again if you’d actually read the post properly you would have realised that spreading the rumour further is the polar opposite to what I intended.

      Regardless, you are entitled to your opinion I guess.

  8. Lol, unintelligible jobber jabber is what it is. I posted to my fb status recently about the abomination of the English language and other bad habits that Facebook is the breeding grounds for and I got more unintelligible jibber jabber in return. It’s a monster that can’t be undone or reasoned with. Netiquette is an ancient myth and Facebook IS the internet as far as these ppl know. Fighting them will produce more idiocy but hey, they do provide comic relief for the rest of us. 😉 Love your blog.

    • Thanks for the support Arkadia. “…the abomination of the English language…” sums it up perfectly. Keep up the good fight!

      Thanks also for the nod on BlaBla, much appreciated. I popped over to Nursing Habits and love your writing and style as well.

      What are you going to do with it now that your life as a nurse is done? Would love to have you guest post occasionally for us here if you’re interested. “The world we live in and life in general” leaves post subjects pretty much wide open. Drop me a line via our Contact Us Form if you’re interested…

      • 🙂 To hear that you like my writing style is a real feather in my cap! Thank you! I am now doing web design and development. The theme and coding for http://www.nursinghabits.com were done by my partner and I. I find it so much more fulfilling and stimulating. Working on a site for our new web business now. 🙂 Hopefully things will work out well enough for me to never return to nursing. lol. It’s a rough ride in the nursing world.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Topsy.com - [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by The BlaBla Blog. The BlaBla Blog said: Facebook Will End on 15…

Share your thoughts?