Facebook Will End on 15 March – Why This is a Good Idea
Many internet users and, in this case, Facebook users specifically, are a bunch of complete idiotic morons. There, I said it. Closing Facebook might well be one of the easiest and quickest ways to improve the education standards in South Africa (and in many other countries too.)
In this fast paced world it seems as if the act of conscious thought often evades people. Add to that the complete absence of common sense and rationality, and an inability to type a sentence with words comprising more than two syllables that many Facebook users display and we have a strong case for the closure of the site that some go so far as to describe as “My hole life!!” (sic).
Satirical news site World Wide Weekly published a faux* news story over the weekend (FACEBOOK WILL END ON MARCH 15th!) in which they quote Mark Zuckerberg and suggest that the Facebook founder (or should that be ‘co-founder’?) has decided to close the site as it has become too difficult and stressful to manage:
Mark Zuckerberg announced that Facebook will be shut down in March. Managing the site has become too stressful.
“Facebook has gotten out of control,” said Zuckerberg in a press conference outside his Palo Alto office, “and the stress of managing this company has ruined my life. I need to put an end to all the madness.”
Zuckerberg went on to explain that starting March 15th, users will no longer be able to access their Facebook accounts.
“After March 15th the whole website shuts down,” said Avrat Humarthi, Vice President of Technical Affairs at Facebook. “So if you ever want to see your pictures again, I recommend you take them off the internet. You won’t be able to get them back once Facebook goes out of business.”
Zuckerberg said that the decision to shut down Facebook was difficult, but that he does not think people will be upset.
The reaction by a section of the Facebook faithful to the article has been phenomenal in its sweeping stupidity. The site is a notorious fake news and satire site. It runs stories alongside the ‘Facebook is closing on 15 March’ story with titles such as ‘Alien Spaceships to Attack Earth in 2011’, ‘Megan Fox is a Man!’, ‘Mike Tysons’ Pigeon Fetish’ and ‘Michelle Obama is Pregnant!’. It is so obviously a scam news story site as to be, well, so obvious.
And yet the story has attracted global attention from disgruntled Facebookers and even some supposedly credible news organisations, most of whom seem to think the story is real. This despite numerous efforts by bloggers and other news and tech sites to clarify the situation. I checked the article this morning when it had amassed over 6,200 comments already. As I type this now a few hours later, the comment count sits at over 8,700. And that’s just on the original site page. There are literally thousands of other comments and posts spreading all over the internet.
Here’s one of the more heartfelt pleas from a Facebook user left as a comment on the site:
hey because i don’t know how to put my oinion on here could you please explain to whoever it is closing facebook that teens literally need facebook. it’s not because it’s cool or anything but facebook has helped save lives. my friends and some of their friends s i’m sure have announced that they were going to kill themselves and when facebook is the only thing left to turn to friends all help to make them understand why they’re so much better than they think they are. i’m not a sensitive person but earlier when i heard that facebook was being cancled i cried and i’m sure my friends did too and i need my friends as they need me. please i’m not saying this because i love facebook. and all 346 of my friendds ageee with thes. :'( nobody wants to lose their friends. it’s the only thing we have left to talk to anyne. and it’s not that we can get new friends because we don’t trust anyone but our friends.
That’s verbatim. No edits, no changes, nothing. Here’s a couple more. Less eloquent perhaps but no less heartfelt I’m sure:
pls 4 god sake u people will make us lose our long tym friends. pls 4 god sake…..
HOWWWWWW BRO? FB is AWSOME MAN ATLEASTGIVE OR SELL THE COMPANY TO SUMONE ELSE, NO NEDD TO COMPLETELY RID THE INTERNET OF IT
WHY R U DOING THIS. FACEBOOK IS TO TALK YO FRIENDS AND PLAY GAMES. I CANT SEE MY AUNT AND FAMILY BECAUSE THERE IN VEGAS! PLEASE DONT CANCLE FACEBOOK IT WOULD RUIN PEOPLES LIVES. CAN U PLEASE THINK ABOUT IT.
And so to my suggestion that closing Facebook down may actually be a positive thing.
With the aforementioned lack of intelligence shown by these people, the clear lack of logical they display, and the shocking abuses of the English language the perpetrate, taking them off Facebook can only be a good thing.
Also, because it seems as if the majority of them can’t be bothered with reading anything more than a headline at a time, so maybe Twitter would be a better outlet for them? Just saying…
I noticed this habit recently when we started getting 8.ta related requests after our simple information post on the launch of their services. (8ta from Telkom is South Africa’s 4th Mobile Operator. Heita!) Users asking us about deals, specials, connectivity information. And often after we explicitly mentioned the fact that The BlaBla Blog has no affiliation to 8.ta whatsoever.
We saw it with the publishing of the Proof That (Some) Facebook Users- Are Dumber Than Bricks article, when users were convinced that Facebook had changed the login screen and never realised that they were on a completely unrelated site.
And now this laughable situation.
So, to skatback63, mykel, NETo, mike popp and all the rest of the 1,000s of Facebook users who continue to spread this story as if it were the gospel truth, you are all bona fide fools and idiots. Delete your Facebook account immediately, get off the internet and go back to school. This is not a suggestion, it is a demand. The planet will stop rotating if you don’t. Mankinds’ very existence depends on you doing as I suggest right away. Please. For all our sakes.
* Oh, and “faux” means “FAKE!! LOL! DBAG!! SCAM! NOT REAL!! LOL!” for all you Facebookers who still convinced that it’s a real story.